The 3 Ways School Damages Kids (That Nobody Talks About)

🛠️ 3 Tools to Try

• Mastering Essential Math Skills Series
  A straightforward math review program that teaches one concept per day with free video lessons online. Perfect for kids who need to rebuild their foundation in basic math without the overwhelm of thick textbooks.

• Brain Quest
  Question and answer cards that turn learning into a game kids actually want to play. Covers everything from math to science to reading in a format that fits in your bag for learning on the go.

• Handwriting A to Zoo
  A handwriting program that teaches letter formation through animals, Bible verses, and hands on activities. Makes practicing handwriting feel less like drill work and more like an adventure.

📚 2 Reads Worth Your Time

A New Way of Seeing Children by Jan Hunt
Children aren't misbehaving. They're communicating. Learn why treating kids like actual humans changes everything.
Read it here

On the Wildness of Children by Carol Black
Schools were built to break your child's natural curiosity. Here's what happens when we cage kids indoors for 12 years.
Read it here

🧐 1 Idea Worth Considering

The 3 Harms School Did to You (And Still Does to Your Kids)

You probably don't remember the exact moment school taught you to stop trusting yourself.

Maybe it was when you knew the answer but didn't raise your hand because getting it wrong in front of everyone felt too risky. Maybe it was when you loved writing stories until someone graded them. Maybe it was when you realized staying quiet and compliant mattered more than being curious.

These moments didn't feel traumatic at the time. They felt normal. Everyone was going through it.

But here's what we're finally starting to understand: those weren't just awkward school memories. They were systematic harms that shaped how you see yourself, how you approach learning, and how you parent today.

Let's talk about the three biggest ways school damages children, and what probably happened to you, too.

Harm #1: Learning to Fear Mistakes

School taught you that mistakes are failures, not information.

Every red pen mark. Every wrong answer announced to the class. Every test grade that determined your worth. The message was clear: getting things right the first time is what matters. Being wrong means you're not smart enough.

Research by Carol Dweck on fixed vs. growth mindset shows that when children learn to fear mistakes, they develop a fixed mindset, believing intelligence is static rather than something you build through effort and error. This fear follows us into adulthood. We avoid trying new things. We perfectionism ourselves into paralysis. We pass this anxiety to our own children.

But here's the truth: your brain literally learns by making mistakes. Neuroscience shows that errors create the cognitive dissonance necessary for learning. When everything is easy, no learning happens. Making mistakes and correcting them is how human beings are designed to acquire knowledge.

School turned your greatest learning tool into your greatest fear.

Harm #2: Killing Intrinsic Motivation

Remember when you used to love something, drawing, reading, building things, until school made it mandatory and graded it?

That's not a coincidence. That's what psychologists call the "overjustification effect." When external rewards (grades, stickers, praise) are added to intrinsically motivated activities, the internal motivation dies. You stop doing things because they're interesting and start doing them because someone's watching.

Alfie Kohn's research on rewards and punishment shows that gold stars, honor rolls, and grade based incentives don't create lifelong learners. They create compliance seekers who ask "Will this be on the test?" instead of "Why does this matter?"

Think about your own education. How many subjects did you genuinely love versus how many were you just trying to get an A in? How many books did you read for pleasure versus obligation?

Now think about your kids. Are they learning because they're curious or because they're being measured?

Most of us internalized the belief that learning only counts if someone else validates it. We lost the ability to pursue knowledge for its own sake. And we wonder why our kids don't seem curious anymore.

Harm #3: Teaching Obedience Over Agency

School taught you that authority figures control your day, your body, and your time.

You couldn't go to the bathroom without permission. You couldn't eat when you were hungry. You couldn't move around when your body needed movement. You learned to sit still, stay quiet, and wait for the bell, regardless of what your mind or body was telling you.

Dr. Peter Gray calls this "the decline of play and rise in children's mental disorders" — the learned helplessness that comes from spending 12+ years in an institution where you have almost zero control over your daily life. Research shows this lack of autonomy contributes to rising anxiety and depression rates in young people.

You learned that other people know better than you do about what you need. That external schedules matter more than internal cues. That compliance equals success.

And now, as an adult, you might struggle to know what you actually want. To set boundaries. To trust your own judgment. Because for the most formative years of your life, those things were systematically trained out of you.

Here's What You Can Do

If you're reading this and recognizing yourself, you're not broken. You're responding exactly as you were conditioned to respond.

But here's the good news: you get to choose differently for your kids.

You can create a learning environment where mistakes are expected and celebrated. Where curiosity drives the day, not test scores. Where children have agency over their bodies, their time, and their learning.

This doesn't mean chaos. It means structure with respect. It means guidance with autonomy. It means being the adult who believes in your child's internal compass instead of overriding it at every turn.

School may have done these things to you. But you don't have to do them to your children.